Awe of God

Dear God,

I am a little child again
My heart breaks open 
By your vast span of memory
These words 
Are yours 

I am floored
By your passion 
Your wish 
To keep me
In an embrace of reverence 
For as long as we exist 
Forever. 

Dear God, 

My self
Does not know
If she can handle
This much beauty
In the moment 
When past present future 
Come into focus
At the same time 
And I see
The leaves 
And the tree
And the roots
And the soil
And the growth 
The sprout
And the death
All at once.

My little self 
Doesn't know if she can contain
This much breaking open
By the sea
In the desert
On the mountain top
Deep inside the middle earth 

On a spinning diamond
On a crown 
And feeling the thorns 
On my very head.

I feel
Have always felt
Impending annialation 
Of all that I thought I was
All that I reasoned 
Was so damn important 

All that was special, unique, meaningful 
About this tiny life I havr lead

In the presence of you
Within me
Around me
Through me

In hearing 
The response 
Of all creation 
Groaning your name
Singing their ache 
Filling their yearning 
Their pulsing drumbeat march 
Going constantly constantly 
Without ceasing 
Onward towards your Light 

I long for you
As they long for you
With a pressure that is too much to bear
I tremble
I disassemble
I transfigure 
I say yes

I tremble 
In the presence 
Of you

And dissingrate 
Become particles 
Of living light 
Of living blood

And am renewed. 

(C) Nikki Lyn Pugh, 2021