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Awe of God

August 3, 2021

Dear God,

I am a little child again
My heart breaks open
By your vast span of memory
These words
Are yours

I am floored
By your passion
Your wish
To keep me
In an embrace of reverence
For as long as we exist

Dear God,

My self
Does not know
If she can handle
This much beauty
In the moment
When past present future
Come into focus
At the same time
And I see
The leaves
And the tree
And the roots
And the soil
And the growth
The sprout
And the death
All at once.

My little self
Doesn't know if she can contain
This much breaking open
By the sea
In the desert
On the mountain top
Deep inside the middle earth

On a spinning diamond
On a crown
And feeling the thorns
On my very head.

I feel
Have always felt
Impending annialation
Of all that I thought I was
All that I reasoned
Was so damn important

All that was special, unique, meaningful
About this tiny life I havr lead

In the presence of you
Within me
Around me
Through me

In hearing
The response
Of all creation
Groaning your name
Singing their ache
Filling their yearning
Their pulsing drumbeat march
Going constantly constantly
Without ceasing
Onward towards your Light

I long for you
As they long for you
With a pressure that is too much to bear
I tremble
I disassemble
I transfigure
I say yes

I tremble
In the presence
Of you

And dissingrate
Become particles
Of living light
Of living blood

And am renewed.

(C) Nikki Lyn Pugh, 2021


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