I received an assignment from a friend
To write about surrender.
It was in reference to a conversation that
Quite frankly
I do not recall.
All I remember is the assignment
And how perplexed I was
That I could not sit down and write.
Nothing
The stream was dry
And so I fell asleep.
When I woke up
I was in a dream with 3 parts
— — — —
1
In the first part, I was hunched over
In a long tunnel
The tunnel was
The color of cool mud
And I was in the throes of indecision.
And what I saw was a false light
At one end of the tunnel
The way would be long
If I chose to move towards it
And grit and determination sheer power of will
Would have to sustain me
Through exhaustion and aching muscles
But surely there was the promise of open space
Someday
But also
The inevitably
Of four walls
And of a destiny
Of conformity.
2
The second dream was that of retreat
I could slink back from whence I came
I had no recollection
Of where I came from exactly
But I knew that I had escaped from there
And I knew that it was dark
And musty and cold
And that this place right here
In the middle
This place of indecision and confusion
Was way better than that.
3
The third dream presented
The option to stay right where I was
In the middle
Not moving backwards
Not moving forwards
But floating
Somewhere in a waiting state
But standing firm
In my inability to make a decision
On my own accord
With my own mind
With my own faculties.
— — — —
And then somewhere within
That waiting place of the third dream
I was taken out of the dream altogether
I woke up in the tunnel
At that fork in the road
And everything came to a screeching halt
And I let go
And I surrendered.
To what exactly?
This is where the heart takes over
And the mind succumbs
And I have the choice to say yes
To a sweet voice that has always been there
An almost silent presence
That my heart knows so well
Yet my mind will never understand.
Come with me
The voice says
And I know the name.
So sweet is the sound
And the hope so pure
Like a seed vibrating with possibility
And inevitability of flowering
Surrender
Can I trust this voice
When my reality
As far as my mind can remember
Has been built on distrust, hurt, chaos, commotion?
Can I believe that there is a better way?
The voice comes in soft
Like a chord of golden light
And I choose a kernel of Faith
I choose to believe that I can believe
That there is more to this life
Than darkness and despair.
I choose to believe
In that voice
Just a little
And so I reach for it
A single finger
The slightest of movements
In the most subtle of ways
And this voice
Turns into a hand
That reaches back for me with a passion
And scoops me up
A delicate blossom
Pale yellow and promising
Surrounded by golden light
You see,
It only takes a micromovement on our part
For God to grab hold and squeeze us tight
And hold us in Their Embrace
And never let us go.
Love Light Yeshua
I whisper His name
And am whisked away
The other choice
That I did not know
Within the iron cage of my own mind
Is that I never had to stay in that tunnel
In the first place.
© Nikki Lyn Pugh, 2022
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