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A Soldier’s Diary #1: What is our capacity for healing?

March 24, 2022


I saw the square peg in the left side of my neck, on the back between where the curve of the neck goes into the skull and the top of the shoulder blade, just below the hair line. It looked like a thin, malleable metal, like aluminum. In the middle was a square insignia, like a stamp or a brand. A brand name?


Prior, I was asking Yeshua, “What really is our capacity for healing?”
I was in the midst of a throbbing pain in my knee, which had gone on for days now, and a pinchiness in the neck area. The pain that was in my spleen/gallbladder area the day before had traveled up to the neck overnight and somehow, I knew that this was progress. I had requisitioned healing from the Family the night before and I had learned, over and over again, that they always deliver!


They are always listening! They (God/the Family/Abba-Yeshua-Holy Spirit, the source of All Love and Light in the Universe) always responds in the way that is best for me and for all. And, in the end, the request is ALWAYS granted. Amen!


Yet it is often granted in a way that I do not fully understand. My 3-year-old clamors, “I want it all and I want it now!”


Yet the Wisdom inside, which is Them, knows that there is an order to these things. They have created that order and are creating it as we speak, and they see it so clearly in all directions and across all Space and Time. And me, one daughter, Ijust see snippets of all that Glory.


At any rate, it is the same tired old source of the pain…an entity, or a viral load, or some kind of micro-organism/nanotech, or all of the above. In that moment, I didn’t care what it was. It was throbbing pain and preventing me from walking straight and I just wanted it gone. I place my own hand on my knee and “tried to have faith.”


Yeshua is always my teacher. Every moment, every instance, every nanosecond is a teachable moment with Him. That is why he is “Health Coach #1” and I his trusted assistant. What a gift and an honor!


I am always learning. This is the university I always dreamed of!
Still, in my flesh I cried out “I just want the pain gone!” In my heart I also cried out “Where is my faith?” Then a despair descended like a deep fog.
Sometimes it is hard to know who is speaking…myself or Yeshua…in those early morning moments when time is still, and the silence falls like rain, and we are merged, and I feel his presence all around.


Most of time, however, it very obvious who is me and who is Him. Most of the time, my thoughts rattle around and around like mice in a cage, in an energy of constant worry about this, that and the other thing. Or in panic and reaction about a pain or the meaning behind a pain.


But in the morning is when there is sometimes a true merging, and I am at peace and at rest and folded into Him. And it is lovely. So, in this way, in the midst of my quandary about pain and faith, there is a large part of me that does not really care about any of it because there is also the JOY that passes all understanding.


The joy was quick to fade that morning, however. Sitting on the floor of my little mountain apartment next to the tiny fake fireplace, doubt seeps in like a thick ooze. This is also a spirit, an entity and a virus that clamors to get in and take hold. This too will be healed, in time, once the lesson has been learned.

This is a war we are in right now. And this is a soldier’s diary that I write.

At the moment, I am focused on the pain in my knee and the awareness of a device, mentioned above, in the “crook of my neck.” And my stubborn, human desire to want to take it out all by myself.

“Let’s work together,” he says, ever so gently, washing away all the shame around the awareness of my stubbornness.

Is that possible? I didn’t even know that was possible…

The shame comes in again. The shame also is an entity, tied to a generation-upon-generation agreement. And this agreement, in its due time, will be set right as well. It will have its place in the canvas that is my consciousness, and I will simply “remember when.”

He blows that shame away with a light breath of his lips and I let him, fully and completely.

To Him it is a bit of dust on the table.
So lightly, so lovingly, and yet so easily, it is gone.
His breath is a rainbow breath.
His Word is a warm wind.
His presence is healing.
With Him, any GOOD THING is possible.


He placed his Golden hand upon my tiny little hand.
And together we touch the knee.
And a warm sensation descends.

In that moment every cell in that knee quivered—the collagen, and the vitamin C transportation sites, and the blood in the veins and in the microcirculatory pathways, and in the marrow of the bone…

Yes, especially in the bone that goes all the way from the foot to the knee joint…

That bone that has gone through so much generationally,
Carrying babies and buckets of water,
Almost buckling from the weight of it all,
The weight of water descending in a flood,
The weight of barrels,
Those bones cracking and straining past generations of Chinese women carrying buckets of water.
The calves have grown thick with it.
Protecting the bones from cracking, making the knees strong in a panic, weak in moments of rest.

Especially the bone,
Comes alive with the Life of His Touch!

Arise and shine with His Rainbow Breath!

Dry bones.

I heard a song
I saw a dance
I felt a peace

“We call out to dry bones, come alive, come alive
We call out to dead hearts, come alive, come alive
And the dry bones within me
Came alive!” *

Then he said to me,

“Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life!
-Ezekiel 37:1-10 

Then to the crook of the neck
Where I saw flashes of evil 

Hanging and noosing and lynching and rashes
Around the collar 

I am just being honest here 

Yet all this is made right again right here
In this hour. 

And so,
Together again
With his Golden hand on top of my tiny, chubby little hand
Gently, ever so gently,
I copied the movements gingerly like a child would
As His Hand took out the peg from the crook of the neck
As if a feather
And I felt slightly faint
And light
And expanded
And heady
As if I could fly

And I was flying
As if wing expanse was amplified
And maybe it was
And then I heard/saw…

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.”
– Isaiah 40:31

*Song lyrics originally by Lauren Dangle, Come Alive (Dry Bones) (Live at the CentricWorship Retreat), 2014






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